I don’t consider myself to be a purveyor of Sylvia Plath. In fact, I am hardly an expert, and have only read excerpts of The Bell Jar in class. That’s my bad, to be honest, I know her works are important, especially for a young feminist such as myself, but I’m just not big on poetry (and I don’t know if I’m in the right place mentally to handle her work).
But I saw someone write something like this weeks ago (I can’t remember the user unfortunately), and I thought it would be an interesting way to kickstart my writing again. I’ve just been feeling a bit drained lately, not necessarily uninspired, but the encroaching finals season has been robbing me of my energy to write.
So to get the creative juices flowing again, and to feel closer to Miss Sylvia Plath, I thought it would be fun to examine my own Fig Tree. Not in the depressing way where I mourn all the things I can’t achieve all at once, but just to talk about them. Because as much as they make me a bit sad, they make me excited too.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America… and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind... I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” - Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar (1963)
For those who aren’t familiar, the Fig Tree analogy comes from The Bell Jar quote above, where Plath envisions all the different lives she imagined for herself, but is frustrated by only being able to choose one. To take a “bite” out of only one of the “figs.” It’s a metaphor that has tormented women for decades, especially young thought daughters of the last half-decade. But, I invite you all to revisit this metaphor with me, and turn it something that energizes, rather than something that weighs down.
It is the 21st century, who says you can only have one fig? This definitely is a privileged take, and I won’t deny that what I’m writing is easier said than done. But as a modern woman, I am in a better position now than all the women who came before me. Therefore in my heart, I feel it is my duty to push myself to the boundary of what I’m able to do/achieve in this lifetime.
So I’m taking bites of as many fucking figs as I can. It’s my tree after all. But maybe not eating the whole thing, so I don’t get sick, but bites. At least of all figs I can reach being 5’1.
Alright, let’s really look at my tree, shall we? I envision it to be pretty big and green tbh, since I’ve had a lot of different dreams ever since I was a kid. So, my fig tree is definitely tall and healthy and thriving. But here are some of the bigger figs, and the ones I see in my reach:
A diplomat in New York or some big center for international politics — It’s a big fig, definitely. And it’s the path I’m currently going to school for, the goal I’ve been trying to reach these last few years. It wasn’t always the fig I wanted, but it definitely looked plump and promising. I imagined myself working at the United Nations, talking with people of all kinds of backgrounds, working to make the world a better place. But I also pictured myself with that sexy diplomat’s passport, skipping TSA lines and sitting in first class on my way to the next city. As I took a nibble out of this fig (studying political science in school), I quickly realized that what I wanted was just to travel all the time. Not a bad tasting fig in other words, political science is still an interest of mine, but the dream just isn’t as sweet (or attainable in this job market) as I realized. So we take a bite out of another.
An art gallery curator in Paris (or New York again) — The other thing I’m going to school for! Big fig again. However, this fig wasn’t in my radar till about halfway through university. I’ve always loved art (oh my god Amelia, WE KNOW), but I never really considered pursuing a career in “art” fields. It just didn’t seem feasible if I was trying to make money. But once I realized that wasn’t the end all be all, I became open to taking a bite out of this fig. And this one has definitely been sweet. I love all my art history classes, they make me want to keep going, to really picture future as one that’s intertwined with the arts. Politics requires stamina to keep going, in my opinion, but I’ve never gotten tired studying art and it’s history, and the role it plays in this world. I see myself working at a gallery in Paris, surrounded by pieces of art I love as if they were my own friends or family. I’d be a fluent polyglot, dressing in chic black outfits, with too much knowledge about a piece people could care less for. I’d be chic, in other words. Maybe that’s my life goal, who knows?
An art historian/restorationist (anywhere with a big, well-funded museum) — In a similar vein (on a similar branch) this next fig is also about art history, because I’m a big ol’ nerd and I think I’d love a life in academia, studying pieces and talking about them over and over again with people who just get it. In that same line of thinking, I think being a painting restorationist would be so fun. If you’ve never seen those videos of people cleaning old paintings, I highly recommend looking them up on youtube. Very satisfying. But I love the idea of getting to work with all this old art and getting to study and take care of it. I love museums and being able to work at one, for one, would be extremely fulfilling.
An anthropologist in Greece or Italy — On another very similar note, anthropology. I almost studied this in university, I even took the 101 course in freshman year. It leans a little more scientific, which isn’t a problem for me, but I don’t know how good I’d be at the application of all the theories I’d study. Regardless, I love the idea. I think I’d be a linguistic anthropologist studying the origins of Latin in Italy, or the Romance Languages in general. Or maybe even a cultural anthropologist learning about the history of democracy in Greece. I’m not very picky. I just like the idea of travelling from town to town collecting pieces of history to feed my own need for knowledge of the world. Many figs on this branch, they all look very delicious.
Editor of a fashion magazine in London — Okay so I will admit, this fig is very much inspired by 90s media (rom coms specifically) about women in communications/fashion/publishing jobs living in big cities (Bridget Jones specifically). But that’s what the fig metaphor is all about, no? Picturing a kind of life you could live. And I could definitely see myself strutting around the trendiest parts of London, smoking a cigarette (bad) as I peer at old buildings, contemplating what I’m going to publish next (a la Carrie Bradshaw). Or maybe I’d even be in more of an executive position, like Miranda Priestly, and I’d have dozens of people running around helping me execute my vision for the publication. It’d be very fulfilling being able to put out a finished publication uplifting other creatives while also showcasing my own creativity. This is a fig I could go on and on about if were being honest, and this blog (I guess) is my attempt at taking a bite of this fruit.
A political journalist maybe in DC — Similarly, in the journalism sphere, a political journalist. This one isn’t as cool or sexy as the previous one, but I think it feeds my ego all the same (jokes). I’d like to be where all the political action unfolds in this country, maybe not necessarily as at the center of it (the action is usually bad imo), but a part of it nonetheless. Especially in this country, the media is the main way people perceive the politics affecting them. Therefore, it be important to follow the situation diligently, and report it honestly. It’s stressful, but it excites me nonetheless. Plus, I clearly love writing, and listening, and talking to other people about issues that matter. I’d be an absolute (metaphorical) menace walking around DC gathering the details about all political happenings.
An International Human Rights Lawyer in The Hague — This one is a little oddly specific. But being in political science I’ve always gone back and forth between the idea of being a lawyer. I know it takes an insane amount of hard work (and money sometimes) but there is something that draws me in to the idea of being a lawyer, specifically of the international human rights kind. Maybe it’s the travelling again, or the sexy power suits, or defending the most basic rights of people, or maybe I’ve just seen too many episodes of Suits, but I’m very intrigued by it all. Ultimately though, I think it’s the confidence of this future-self that really draws me in. If one day I develop the wit, integrity, creativity, and confidence (and balls) to become a lawyer, then I’ll know I’ve become some higher version of myself I could have only conceived in my wildest dreams.
An influencer… — Now listen, this is a big pivot from government employee, or respected academic, or even media journalist, but I can’t get the vision of me being an influencer out of my head. I think it’s a symptom of growing up with the internet, but my self perception has largely been shaped by the presence I put out online. I know my digital self is different from my real self, but the two are very much intertwined (I’ve had instagram since I was ten…). Social media has been a part of my life for too long, and it’s honestly become one of the ways I’ve been consistently able to express myself. So it doesn’t feel weird to try and build a future around it (as I have with my small-time social media managing gig). I can see myself, one day, jet setting off from event to event the way Lady Gaga describes in that fateful interview. Bus. ‘Nother club. Brand Launch. Dinner Party. Movie Premiere. ‘Nother Club. ‘Nother Club. I can see it all happening to me. I used to be one of those people who “didn’t dream of labor” (problematic) but now I think my dream is to be busy doing things I love, like being creative, meeting other kind, interesting people, and celebrating life. That’s the kind of influencer I’d like to be.
A singer in California — Oddly enough, the only way I see myself returning to live in my native of California is if I was some famous celebrity who lived on the coast. And for some reason (other than the influencer track) being a singer is the only other way I imagine that happening. I practiced singing for eight years of my life, and I was even in a band (of sorts) so singing has never been out of the question for me. I love doing it. But I never thought about turning it into a career until recent; I was always too afraid of being on stage alone, and I never thought I had the talent to get myself anywhere. Oh but I know I was good at it, I think I was just scared. I wish I had pursued it in the more artistic sense and experimented, because I miss it now. The feeling of being up on stage is like crack, and it makes sense why some celebrities are… the way they are. The rush you experience from being up on stage is undeniable. But I picture myself as some small, indie singer, living in a renovated beach cabin on the coast. Maybe outside of LA, or maybe more up North where it’s a little colder, and a little more private. I don’t know how cut out I am for fame, but the thought of being a real artist has always been appealing.
A painter, somewhere beautiful — This is the fig that started it all if you ask me, and in context of the previous fig, this one also makes a lot of sense. It feels like from the moment I could pick up things, I always had a pencil/marker/paintbrush in my hand. Making art has always been a part of my life, so much so that when I’m not actively creating, I feel out of sorts. But that’s somewhat besides the point. Since I was a kid, I’ve always wanted to be a painter. I think it was a fascination with Vincent Van Gogh that brought this on, but even before him, I loved to paint, Van Gogh just showed me what it meant to love creating. To live and breathe your art in a way that is almost monastic. It’s hard, but I think you appreciate life a little more when you see it through the lens of a creative.
Thanks for reading this post! I’m sorry it was so delayed, I’ve been busy with work, school, and just overall life stuff. I wrote this to try to get back into the habit of writing creatively again, but I don’t know how successful it was because I don’t feel very creative still. But I digress, I just wanted to post something different from last week. Thanks for being here.
Sincerely,
Amelia.